"You look great!" are words that I heard from a lovely client today and it was exactly what I needed to hear! Why? Because I have realised over the last couple of days that I have really put on alot of weight and was feeling pregnant and frumpy. and I didn't like it! Being pregnant isn't about being frumpy and I shouldn't even feel that way but as I have expanded so has everything else....It's silly and I'm writing it down to remind myself on moments of reflection how silly it sounds. Being pregnant is such a beautiful experience (not for everyone which I can appreciate) but for me it is, and I want to embrace it postively.
At 26 weeks I do feel good, except for slight sinus infectioon (lots of nose blowing in the morning!) I feel great, my energy levels are better then even from a month ago, dizzyness has gone and I really feel energised by the fact I am having another child, I am so excited. I still cannot and will not make up my mind as to what I am having but i can tell you I am just happy to have another little booba in our lives. I am, after what has seemed like months, appreciating my first born more and more, it sounds ridiculous but we were arguing alot as this very strong and opinunated little boy develops. I have been feeling frustration was over taking the joy of just hanging out with him, which may have said more about me then him. Anyway we really have connected again, he kisses my belly and says "hello" to the baby and pats me on the back and tells me he "loves" me...it's these moments you cherish forever, because as he develops into a teenager I don't think I'll ever have those sort of intimate moments again with Orion. Maybe acknowledement of his appreciation of me, but the gestures of affection from a son soon wane as they reach their adult years. I just want us to have an open realtionship where we never stop communicating and so I believe these early arguments we have been having are the early developmental stages of building our realtionship, boundary setting and establishing the ground rules for hopefully a continued sense of harmonious relationship.
Please don't ever think I have given up on the idea of not being close to my son, but I have to be realistic and I need to acknowledge our relationship now and not reflect 12 years down the track lamenting what was then.