February 02, 2006

A sense of purpose

Okay, I have decided to be proactive (yeeerkk!) what a word that is but I still use it! Hypocrite I know! I am applying for a job and am tossing up between being a Kitchen designer or a Corporate Interior Designer (working in a very large office based in the CBD and working full-time) I don't know if I can do that yet! But I have this feeling that if I don't do something nothing is going to eventuate in terms of work earning dollars! (more commonsense then anything) It's not that I'm adverse to working fulltime...it's just that I can't see myself while my child is a toddler being in fulltime work and not being completely involved in his development. I couldn't bear being just an evenings mum, it would for me defeat me. I always thought that by the time my boy was eighteen months I would be working full-time, but that of course has never eventuated, I feel I can do without for the moment (only money, I'm rich with too many other resources) as long as my days are fullfilled I just can't fathom working fulltime. I know I will, doesn't need to be comtemplated now! So now I will work on the moment. I have started another project at home which is re-organising the study so I can make space to paint and create...it's a mammoth task as I move 5 large piles of books from one side of the small studio space to the other in order to accomdate my drawing board and easel. I am still picturing the IKEA bookshelf that I require but every time I go to buy, bills have to paid. I also have to fit a small bed which all our vistors use and I feel quite put out when they are staying in my 'studio' or 'Mummy's room' as Orion (my son) likes to call it. That small bed will eventually go into Orion's bedroom and then our guests for a while will have no where to sleep huh! isn't that awful but unless I accomodate friends and family properly I don't like them staying. I am over the sleeping on the couch routine that has long gone with sharing the house with stranger or my bed with sisters or friends had come to stay in my group house days, I'm all grown up now, grumpier and understand what I like and don't...anyway I am feeling a tad grumpy today and on that note..I'll work on these sample boards for a client.

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