May 20, 2016

Two years since I last posted.


I have been thinking about writing again on my blog for a while, I know this is a cliched line, however it's true! So here I am back on my lovely little platform to start honing my writing skills (not that I see myself as a skilled writer) I however enjoy the process. Since I last blogged, a lot of changes have occurred in my life, quite diabolical changes that in a moment of "Well I didn't see that coming?" meant a whole new round of soul searching and new beginnings. So maybe in a 'Ground Hog' moment I have come full circle and decided to start back with my blog, which feels poignant and a great starting point.

My last entry was in February 2014, I was working full-time in the Public Service, long days, balancing that with a commute and coming home to three young children, high fiving my partner as he walked out the door to work in the evenings. We were one busy family unit.

Normally I was responsible for preparing dinner, having children ready for bed, homework, books read and lights out. I managed nights out rarely and my one regular night out a week was to my craft club which we affectionately call it, however it was whatever we wanted to make of it for the night, an inexpensive therapy session filled with nibbles, wine, laughter and some creative projects.

My intention was to always come back to my blog and redesign and start again. So when I thought to revisit my blog with my new good intentions I'd sit down and feel uninspired. The one thing I have done since discovering blogs and then starting my own in 2005 is keeping up with my blog reading. Rediscovering old favourites and discovering new bloggers along the way. There are so many blogs whose authors really dedicated themselves to constructing well thought out blogs, well written, clever insightful posts, beautifully art directed photos. I felt that what was the point of me even competing with the newly sophisticated curated blog. Or why did I even think I should have to compete? Over thinking ran away with me and I even wondered why I had a blog, What was my purpose, my voice? what was I wanting to communicate? My life? My hobbies? My interests? My knowledge?... I shrugged my shoulders and thought "I dunno?"... so I left it. I would come back to my log-in page and after forgetting the password again and again and then updating the password that seemed like a whole lotta effort right there.

I guess another explanation is I have noted myself in my miniature bio as a 'Freelance Interior Designer', not a lie and not finished with. I had decided after leaving a rather reliable part-time Interior Design job due to dwindling work load and hours, to have ago at becoming a fully independent Interior Designer working from home. This was 2012, my youngest child was 2 years old, I felt I was ready. I wasn't. It became difficult to find motivation during the day,  the usual working from home folly if your not disciplined, being distracted by having a coffee with my friends after school drop off, coming home and thinking the dishes have to be done (they really didn't), having to vacuum any housework really, having to check emails (kinda constructive) and then once I had dwindled the day away, back up to the school and childcare. Any serious work required to be done was always after dinner, working at night sometimes working until 1 or 2 in the morning. I had a toddler who would still wake in the night and two other children I had to get ready for school in the morning as my partner worked very early morning shifts. It wasn't ideal, my partner was feeling the strain of working in a job for over a decade he had no interest in and I was feeling the strain in general, the cracks were were starting to appear in both our mental health and our relationship.

2012 presented many challenges along the way, anxiety was a major hindrance for myself  and I sort counseling through a Psychologist. A challenging year on many levels, which I wrote about here. I finally came to the defining conclusion and wrote about this this period here.

I had the experience of client's who were amazing to work with, interesting, inspired and excited with the process of  having a designer work with them.. However it never financially got off the ground and was more stressful then it was worth, I was emotionally getting back on my feet, my partner was on a new career path which I fully supported. I felt the need to let go of a career I had always loved yet had battled with, as I felt my career had never quite gained momentum. I was ready for what I thought would be a new direction and moving forward. In 2013 I applied for a job in the Public Service, I accepted a role and by May of 2103 had started on what I thought would be my new career path.It was a great introduction back into the corporate world and working in a large office. I'll only reflect on this for the one time, I made a mistake which I admitted too at work, any other organisation would have slapped me on the wrist (metaphorically speaking) as based on my fantastic work record and told don't do it again. Not with the Federal government, one mistake and your out. My contract was wound up and I was back home, no work and wondering "Where to from here?' again.

A bit lost "yes", I looked at all my legal options which consumed me for another 6 weeks after I lost my job. I learnt along the way how the process works through the CPSU Union the Fair Work Commission and lawyers. It was an eye opening time in my life, in the end I was given exceptionally sound advice by a Senior lawyer who worked for me pro-Bono, her advice " Let it go, put this situation behind you" I bawled my eyes out and then felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders.

I found that I could move forward, I was still going to job interviews, I even co-incidence or not found an Interiors freelance job for a small Commercial office. I completed that job yet knew I had no intention of following up on any more freelance Interior work. I was done with that phase of my life.

I attended many job interviews some were so comical I almost thought I had walked into a  'Working Dog Production'. I ended up working for a friend in her homewares store which was a good starting point. I loved being in a routine and earning again, after being out of work for four months.

However I never took my time off from not working for granted,  I cleaned out our storage unit in Oakleigh (a massive 5 years of stuff came back home, that's a post for another time!) I held several stalls both, craft related and household items, clothing etc. I have donated bags & bags of item's to charity's and yet only just starting to shift through what we have still left in our home.

I'm on a new path again and have now found a new direction, a new purpose. I have since found work, side stepping back into sales, selling an Interior product. I'm not chasing a career, a dream or trying to find out my purpose in life. I'm realise I am happy where I am at and for the moment this is all I need. I have my family, our health and whole lot of new experiences awaiting us and I look forward to sharing these again.

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