Lately I have been very consumed, obviously with the first stages of pregnancy combined with (until this week) finding the energy to ensure my son was at school on time, daughter kept happily occupied and me being able to find the energy for work at the end of a seemingly long week...
I gave up going to the gym for long walks (or power walks to school) and using what little energy I had for spring cleaning (out of necessity and very early nesting!!)...
However as I come out of this intense phase, which has certainly felt very intense within the delicate balance of getting on with my everyday commitments whilst dreading the balance of feeling nausea to actually being sick. Not knowing what would be the next 'trigger' for my morning sickness and hating the fact that it is usually tiredness...
Now I enter a 'new' phase, which really isn't new, it's one that has been an ongoing journey in this current chapter of my life. I currently work for a small company as well as freelance work. I have wound down the freelance side of my work for the moment and just concentrated on my 'regular' work and family commitments. However I am finding this commitment (not to family) but to this little job incredibly trying and tiring. I have "suffered fools gladly" as the expression goes through the course of my working life, but I think I have, surely reached the pinnacle of my patience.
The owner of this business "stressed out" was encouraged to go on a break (always should be encouraged) However in the wake of her leaving she left an enormous workload, much which she had claimed was either 'under' her control' or 'not much needed to be done'. Now in normal circumstances I am not one to complain that I will help a colleague complete a task and have always been adept at 'picking up' from where some one has 'left off', but this truly was taking the piss!!!
In the last ten days, I have not only designed and completely detailed and drawn up four Interiors but also fielded the usual admin, phone calls, enquiries and walk-in's whilst also diligently updating my colleagues and respectfully the one who is away...Do you know how this has been respected.."Nadda!"...The business owner called one afternoon whilst I was in meeting with a client and went into a tirade over the phone (yes, she is meant to be on holiday) about "How I had already seen this client", "What else Had I done?" "Why is everything left for her to do?" and "How things will change when she gets back?" (That is the abbreviated version)
I have been so incensed at the lack of appreciation of this person, I did something I have never done before...too angry to speak, I texted her (has never been my first option for communication in the work place)...no swearing, no finger pointing, just straight to the point. I haven't felt that frustrated with someone that I don't want to even speak to them. Wow, I have thought "..is this because of pregnancy?" but alas no...this has been a cycle of this type of Mis-management, aggressive accusations and micro-managing that I have blocked out because I so truly love the work we do and the creative outlet it has given me.....NOT NOW!!!!
I am trying to be in a positive state of mind. I am trying to see myself at least finishing up at this job, at the time I want to, which is a month before I am due. I am struggling with the fact that I'm not sure I have the energy to manage this persons daily roller coaster of emotions, drama's, mis-management, lack of focus on simple tasks, work shopping her on her family and the rest...."Do I sound bitter or mean spirited?" I really hope not, "Do I sound like a sucker for sticking around for so long?"...I hope not, I always have thought there is a method to my madness when putting up with these type of scenarios, as a stepping stone for this stage of my career and personal development. I really feel I have no more to give to this person and her business, what keeps me strong are the clients and the work....
The other aspect that keeps me strong is besides my own personal gratification, is working for my family...I need to work the next 5 months and then a new beginning and a wonderful step in my journey....
How to keep strong? I am visualising our three week holiday at the end of the year...Xmas, New Years spent interstate on the beach, sand between my toes, surfing, swimming...ahhhhh...wonderful...
One day with this person's consent I may write the book? She is (as I write sounding like a hypocrite?) a wonderfully fascinating, creative, driven person and deeply passionate about what she does, the downside is you are worn out by her 'high' energy which comes in very extreme "highs and lows"....One day I will write the book for now I complete the last months of this particular part of my journey....and I am trying to remain calm & focused.
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